Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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