I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
