3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
