I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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