Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
