I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
