He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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