I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
