If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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