When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
