my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
bring money and cleavage
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
