Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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