Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think your dad took our porno
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
