Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
