yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
