It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Drake has all the answers
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
