It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
