Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
