you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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