What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
