Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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