we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
