Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
