Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
