apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
