i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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