Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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