im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
