im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
