Your tits are I can't wait for
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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