Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
