Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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