so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she peed on how many people?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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