My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
