she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
