Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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