thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
