WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
