i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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