so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
