I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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