we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
