ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
