Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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