i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
