first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize