Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
