I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
