Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
