**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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