You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
