she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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