My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
