I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
