she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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