then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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