All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
