Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
