i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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