i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
