apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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