I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
