Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
