I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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