How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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