I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
