I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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