Can i not drive my cunt home
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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