Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
