Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I am morally bankrupt
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
