weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
