So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
