Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
