my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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