dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
