so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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