Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
