i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
