Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
