i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
