We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
