Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
