That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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