and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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