I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
