I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize