theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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