is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We're too hungover to prance.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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