i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
