I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
