Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize