Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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