i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
