Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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